Tuesday, 4 June 2019

Do you say ‘yes’ when you mean ‘no’?


According to The Guardian on Monday 3rd June, 95% of the time, when people are asked how they are will say ‘I’m OK but very busy’ – or some version of that.  Perhaps, just perhaps, if we really are that busy we are just not saying ‘no’ often enough.

Have you ever agreed to go to something when you really you would rather not?  Do you say ‘yes’ because you fear upsetting someone?  Apparently this can start in childhood when we strive not to make our parents cross.  We get so used to pleasing people that we are at risk at forgetting our own needs and wants. 

Now I am not suggesting that we all become really selfish and don’t think of others; rather that we are selective in what we choose to do.  As you might know, I have been ill recently and am recovering slowly.  This has meant that I have chosen to say no to events and meetings that I might otherwise have gone to.  Even when I have a ‘reason’ it still doesn’t feel quite right, how much harder is it to say ‘no’ when you don’t have an excuse? 

But if your own mental and physical wellbeing is put under pressure you are really not doing anyone any favours.  Chances are you will only resent going to the event and not be at your sparkly best anyway.  If the very thought of saying ‘no’ feels you with horror, try a delaying technique.  Say something like ‘I need to just check my diary and get back to you’.  Then think about how your time can be best used.  Do you really need to be at that meeting / coffee / wedding or would it be better if you worked on your favourite hobby (that you never have time for), spent time with those you love or maybe just had some down time?  Then you can say ‘yes’ to things you can really give yourself to – you will have energy and passion to really enjoy an evening out or a planning meeting. 
And who knows – you might just have time to get to the gym and give your mind and body a chance to get fit and functional! 

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